I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
