She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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