There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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