I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
