Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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