I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
