Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize