The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
