Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
