Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
