Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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