My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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