I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
