He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
