If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
