Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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