the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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