the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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