You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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