I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
