You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
