I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
