I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
