he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You did what with his pubic hair?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
