she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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