Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
