Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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