Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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