Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How's work?
Spinning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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