She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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