Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
