oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
