tonight lets celebrate not being married
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
