what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
