I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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