Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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