Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
