If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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