I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
