A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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