today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
