My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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