OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
