so that wasnt chicken after all
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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