Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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