It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
