You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
