I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
