At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
