Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think your dad took our porno
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
