in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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