How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
