dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize