See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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