u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
