I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
