I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
