I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
