just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
