i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
