Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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