no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
