what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this boner is exhausting
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
