Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
