a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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