I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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