My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
