Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
