i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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