Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Drunk is not a location!
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