so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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