a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
