i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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