Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
