I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bring me that man meat
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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