Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
