I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
