He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
