good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
