the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
